Getting it Out

I want to cry.. But I can't..  Not because I don't want to.. Because I literally can't.. I can't get any tears out... =.=" I seem to be in some sort of dilemma because..
Today, I went to the country club(under force by parents) and when I swam.. I kept on swimming.. Thoughts flow through my head.. Everything I've been thinking of.. I stopped after a while..
I met my swimming instructor after that.. He said he's been watching me.. He asked if I was okay.. I was confused.. He pointed at my hands.. I lift them up to see they're all wrinkly..
He asked if I was okay because, normally I won't even do one lap out of laziness.. Then, after almost a year, I came back and do a full 8 laps.. He was worried I might pass out... I didn't even realise that.. I look at my phone.. I've been in the water for almost 2 hours...
I drove home and try to understand whats going on with me...
When I finally got on the laptop.. I want to try speaking to my friends.. All I could get out about the topic was.. "I went swimming today.. Thats all :) "and then... nothing.. I want to cry soo hard right now.. But I can't...

-Amy Ramli