Last Night

11/9/2013

On the morning of my brother's birthday, I had a dream that was so confusing.. that causes me to ask whether its a dream or the reality.. It was too cruel as well.. But it's also wonderful in a way.. 

I smiled and screamed in excitement when my last final paper, LAW299 was over.. It was the 11th of Oct and I realize I'm free!  Free I tell you! Well for a month and a half anyway.. Hehe..

When I finally finished packing, I smiled in content and went out to shower.. Daddy said he'll be there tomorrow, 12pm latest.. I looked around and grabbed the bucket and washcloth and head to the toilet to fill it with water.. Then, I get the broom and start sweeping the room that I've lived in for a whole semester.. I started cleaning out everything.. The windows, the fan, my cupboard and my table.. Once done, I threw the water down the drain downstairs and head to my room.. Saw the time, 6pm.. Time to shower!

When i got dressed, That's when my roommate got back.. I saw that she was smiling.. Her stuff was already packed up and ready to go.. Then her eyes darted all around the room.. "Who cleaned this up?" "Me!!" I answered.. She laughed and said thanks and said her goodbyes.. No wonder she was smiling.. Her parents are already downstairs and are ready to pick her up.. I hugged her, tell her I'm sorry if I ever hurt her feelings and tell her to keep in touch.. She pretty much said the same thing and hurry back downstairs with her things.. In 10mins, she was gone.. 

(I swear at this time, there was nothing wrong with the dream.. It all seemed normal to me..)

That night, I turned my laptop on and went through my movie files to see what I got.. I decided to watch TBBT.. That took hours of my life.. Then I slept at 12am..

The next day at 8am, I woke up.. Head off to shower.. When I'm done, I put on my clothes, and put all my heavy stuff downstairs and hurried back up.. 8.30 am, Called Daddy and ask him when will be arrive. He said "in 1 1/2 hours kakak.. Are you ready?"  "Yeap! All heavy things are downstairs" with that, and a little more chatter, I end the call and started to clear the things on my table.. I packed up my laptop, chargers and all.. At 10am, i waa bored of waiting.. So I decided to stay downstairs and wait for my parents.. I check everything, took the stuff I accidentally left behind, turn off everything and said goodbye to that room.. 

15mins later, they finally arrived.. My parents look somewhat happy to see me and yet I feel like something is wrong.. I asked mom how was everything at home.. She said its okay.. Started to talking about my sister and our maid.. My dad suddenly mentioned my brother, who just got back home last week and said he was excited to see me.. I smiled.. I missed my brother a lot too.. I shrugged off the feeling that something's wrong and enjoyed my ride home.. My parents stop at McDonalds to eat and the we continued on our journey home.. I fell asleep in the car after a while.. Next thing I know, we're 30 mins away from home.. "Owh, you're awake kakak?" "Yeap! Yeay!! We're almost home!! I'm soo happy!" And I tweeted the same thing.. Later notifications pop up like crazy on favourites, retweets and tweet backs on welcoming me home.. What really surprised me is the fact that I got like 10texts from people asking me to hang out.. Once I promptly replied all of them, I got another text..

From someone I haven't heard from for a while.. The one person that almost made me cry a few weeks before finals start.. "Welcome home. When you reach home, text or call me.. I'll explain everything to you later." 

I was shocked, my eyes widen, My breath shortened, my pulse quicken.. What does he want? I asked myself.. Racked my brain for an answer.. "Is he going to dump me finally? Or maybe he's going to explain what happened? And then dumped me?" Possible reasons swirled my brain as I try to figure out why and what. 

Click! The car doors are unlocked, Clang! The sounds of the gates of my house closing and locking.. I whipped off my phone, tweeted and foursquared that i was home and I zoomed out and started unloading my things into the house.. My phone notifications went wild! I just ignored it and assumed that everyone was welcoming me home.. Miss, you have received a text message! Went my text.. Again I ignored it.. I was really drived to cleaning out my bag, my things and putting away the dirty laundry.. In an hour, I was done.. 

I carried the remaining of my stuff upstairs.. My luggage, my laptop bag and my hand bag.. 

3pm.. That's what my phone said.. Before I go to my room, I might as well shower, so that I can just fall asleep.. I decided to put all my things outside my room first..  I don't know why i didn't just walk in and out my things in my room first.. I just didn't..

Grabbed the towel and night wear, an oversized t shirt and a pair of shorts.. I showered, washed my hair and even shaved my legs.. When I was done, I dried myself off and dressed in the bathroom.. When I'm done, I carried my stuff, walk in the room, put the luggage away.. And when I turned around.. I screamed! 

There he was, the man whom I've been receiving texts from and ignored this whole day, sitting in my bed, looking at me intently.. I reached for the comforter and covered myself.. in 2 seconds, the whole house rushed over to my room. "Whoaaa! What's going on here?" My brother asked.. "Why are you screaming?" My parents joined in..  "Umm.. There's.. Uhh.. He.." I stuttered as I pointed towards him..  "Told you" my sister suddenly joined in.. "Wait! What do you mean told you? What's going on?!" I asked angrily "And why is he in the house and in my room??" i asked my parents and turned around and asked HIM"And why are you on my bed?!" He chuckled but got off my bed immediately..  Questions start to pour in my head and scenarios that happened during the whole ride home start to come to mind.. "Can someone please tell me what's going on here?" I pleaded.. "Alright, come on downstairs.. We'll explain everything.." My dad said.. "Okay, just let me put on something less revealing.. " HE chuckled.. " I don't think that's necessary but, your choice.." Now why would he say that? My heart asked.. But I shooed everyone out of the room anyway and put on my tracks.. When I got downstairs, everyone is sitting in the living room.. My mom pointed to an empty seat and ushered me to sit.. I pulled my sister to me and hugged her and she sat on my lap.. 

(She's 15 btw and yes, I do sometimes treat her like a toddler..) 

"Welcome home sis" she whispered to me.. "Thanks" then she slipped down to sit on the floor.. My brother said hey and 

My dad looked at me and then at HIM before he starts.. "Okay kakak.. Here's the thing.. Umm.. 3 months ago, he came to us to ask for your hand in marriage.. And he wants it to be secret because he knew you would love it.. And he told us that he doesn't want to date you anymore.. He wants to officially be your husband.. He doesn't want the probability that you would break up with him.. Which is why he wants to have an official bond.." By this time, my face has been so scrunched up in confusion.. HE noticed an chuckled.. I just ignored him.. My dad went on and on.. "So, in conclusion, you're married to him.. " I stood up and shouted "WHAT?!! How did? How could.. When did? WHATT??!!" HE chuckled again.. "Weren't you listening? You're my wife now.." I looked at my dad.. "This is a joke right? Seriously a joke right?" My dad just shook his head.. I was stunned.. "When did you accept the deed?" Daddy replied "He came to the house a week after you returned to UITM.. You are officially married a month after that.." HE smiled.. "I need a moment to myself.. " before anyone could protest, I unlocked the gates, grabbed my phone, cardigan and walked out.. My head was spinning.. How in the world did this happen? How could my dad just accepted his proposal in my place? I'm too young to get married.. I walked faster and faster.. I looked at my phone and it was 5pm.. I realized I've already reached the end of my neighborhood lane.. I sighed.. I went and sit on the stone chairs that the community had put up.. I put my feet up and hugged them.. So many things had changed since the last time I was home.. 2 and a half months ago.. New outdoor furnitures.. New pets by neighbours.. New cars.. New roads.. And now I'm married.. "Yes you are.." Apparently I said that part outloud.. I looked up to see his face.. "How could you?" I asked him almost tearily.. "You ignored my calls, you read my texts, never replied them.. I was on everywhere, Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, WeChat, Viber, even Skype you could've contacted me using everything! I already thought we've broken up! And then 3 months after not contacting me.. After I come home for my 2 month semester break.. You're telling me that I'm your wife.." My voice broke off.. "Legally, I might add" the jerk still has that stupid grin on his face whereas I'm about to cry from this confusing situation.. "You idiot!!" I hit him.. Slapped him.. But no effect.. "You asshole! I don't want to be married early! You knew that from the moment I hit the age 18! I told you that when we were talking over the phone on my birthday and we were talking about future plans!! How could you?? " I was getting frustrated when I saw that none of my hits and slaps are getting any effect on him.. So, as a last desperate effort to see him in pain, I kicked him right in the groin.. "Fuck!" He moaned in pain, covered the injured area and curled up in the fetus position on the tarred lane.. 

"Humph!" I huffed satisfied when I saw him groaning in pain.. "Happy now?" He asked between moans.. " Yes!" I smiled and started to walk back.. He got up immediately after that and ran to catch up with me.. I didn't realize it until suddenly, I felt hands crushingly hugged me and he whispered right next to my ear.. "I'll leave you alone for today and I'll see you tomorrow.. Wifey.." He then tried to kiss my cheek.. Which I blocked with my hand.. I replied with "This can't be legal! I'm not married to you!" "You are and you can't change that.. " I squirmed out of his hold and put my hands on my hips "How do you know that I can't change that? We can always get a divorce.." And I tried walking away but he grabbed my arm rather tightly and pulled me back to his embrace.. "We'll see about that.. Your poor dad will have to go through a whole process.. Besides, you don't want to be a divorcee at such a young age.. Do you? " he laughed evilly.. My cheeks heat up and how close his lips was to my ear, how tight I was in his embrace but especially when I heard  what he just said.. " You fucking asshole!! " I kicked his balls once again and just walked home.. I heard him fall to the ground again, moaning in pain.. I felt sorry for doing that to him but seriously who is he to marry me without my permission?? 

I walked in through the front door, tears in my eyes.. "Daddy, why would you do this to me? I have soo many plans.. I wanted to send you and Mom to Haj.. I wanted to own my own apartment my own car.. I wanted to buy new phones for Baby and Abang.. (My brother&sister) and I want to bring Mom shopping.." " Why would you just give me away like that?" I added. Daddy hugged me and said this in reply.. " Kakak, you can do all that.. I just want you to be safe in this world.. From the evil in the world and also from slanders.. You're married now.. You're definitely safe socially and religion-wise.. I just want my daughter to be safe.. You are my firstborn and my eldest daughter.. I just want my baby girl to be safe.. Now, be my brave girl and accept you're married okay? If you don't like it, you can always get a divorce but please try first.. Okay?" I cried in my dad'd shirt and I realize that he's only doing this with my best interest at heart and I'm being a brat about this.. Maybe it's time to be an adult and accept this.. Besides the worst case scenario is that I get a divorce and he has to pay me 'Alimony.. 

(This is where it gets a little bit fuzzy) 

He came the house the next day in the afternoon when my parents aren't home around 3pm and my maid let him in.. He smiled when he  saw me in tshirt and shorts using the laptop on the coffee table.. I was surprised to see that he was serious to come over the next day.. He say next to me on the couch.. And I, slide down to the floor.. He chuckled and grinned.. "Let's talk" 

(This is the part where it gets fuzzy.. I can't quite remember what happened but I remember some small significant details here and there)

Shouting 

Crying

Hitting

He stayed there emotionless

"Why would you take my dreams away from me?" 

Sat on the couch.. 

Hugged me as I cry.. 

It was very faint but I heard it "I thought being married is every girls dream.." 

" it is.. Mine too.. But the wrong time.. "

He chuckled 

Hit him again

Did something 

Did something 

-Can't remember what happened at all- 

8pm 

We reached Subang Parade and he parked the car inside because its raining..

(I still don't understand or remember how he got me out of the house to go out with him on a date to see a movie)

I'm still mad at him, so, once he unlocked the car, I rushed off to the elevators and pressed the button.. Few seconds later he rushed in and said "Honey, why did you leave the car so fast?" I shushed him and said "Don't cal me that! I'm still getting used to the idea that we're together and the fact that I'm your wife!" He chuckled and then the elevator doors open. I waited for the people inside to go out before I rushed in again without him.. He got on and immediately stood behind me.. I swear I could feel him grinning behind me.. Once we reached our floor, I headed straight towards the ticket counters before he stopped me "I'll get the tickets.. You stay here and give me your student card.. I gave mine to him and complied.. I was too tired to fight him and we're in public.. There were a lot of people queuing up infront of him. I have some time.. I looked at the posters, movie adverstistments and even wandered off to the open lobby.. I felt my phone vibrate..

"Wanna get the couple seats or the normal seats?"

-Him

"Normal seats.."

-Me

"Aww, that wouldn't be romantic.. Where's the love honey? ;)"

-Him

"Okay fine! Pick whatever you want but if you lay a finger on me, I will karate chop you right then and there!"

-Me

" Ohh, so I do get some love seat action! ;) "

-Him

"Why that arrogant son of a -" "Owh My gawdddd Amyyyy!!! I missed you soo much girl! Where have you been?" My words were cut off by my  long lost gay friend, Tom whom I haven't seen in over a year and right behind him is his partner Nick. (His hot partner, I might add) I put my phone away and smiled "OMG!! Tommy!! Nicky!! I missed you guys soo much!!! C'mere you rascals! Give me a huge hug!!" I hugged them both and Tommy being the ass he is said this "Damn, honey! Did you get implants? I swear those juicy things are getting bigger!" I swatted his head.. "First of all! You pervert!! I hugged you and you cop a feel?! Second of all.. Mine are natural!! Third of all!! Nicky!! Control your woman!" Nicky, unfortunately is laughing too hard to do anything.. "Ow bitch!" Tommy exclaimed and started to pretend fight with me.. It was fun to see Tom and Nick again.. We were laughing soo hard. That's when I realized its my one of the my juniors from school and a freshie at my college.. "Hey Amy! What are you doing here?" He asked. " I'm here with a friend to watch a movie.. (I definitely won't be telling other people that I'm married.. Not yet anyway) He's getting the tickets. Owh! By the way. these are my best friends, Tom and Nick.. Tom, Nick, this is Ben, my junior from school and college. Who are you here with?" "Hey guys! I'm supposed to be here with my girlfriend but she's not here yet." He replied.

 - we went on for about 10 mins and that's when I realized that I haven't seen HIM for a while.. I decided to end the conversation and look for him.. - 

"Okay guys I think I better go.. I have to go and find my friend." Tom and Nick got up and hugged me. "You take care okay! I will definitely call you tonight" - Tom "I will definitely call you! We need to hang out more.." - Nick. They both gave me a peck on each cheek.. I blushed but hugged them tightly and let go. "I'll see you again soon Amy!" Ben he said as he was about to go for a hug. That's when I felt myself pulled back fiercely into a back hug. I was too shocked to say anything. " Hey honey, have you been waiting long? Hi! I'm Amy's husband" My friends' mouths are falling open now. "And I'm so sorry to be rude but our movie is about to start. Goodbye and nice to meet you." Murmurs of goodbyes were heard as I was pulled into a queue to the movie halls ticket checking counters. Ben mouthed the words asking if i was okay.. just smiled and nodded.. Tom and Nick both looked concerned.. Tom was mouthing if this is for real.. I mouthed back that I will explain later. I've known Nick forever and recognize all of his facial expressions and what his eyes say. Right now. His face looks like he's going to kill someone. His eyes asking if HE was dangerous. I shook my head and smiled to show him it's okay.. He signaled me to call him later.  I nodded my head and that's all I could see before I was pulled by HIM to go through the hallway towards our movie hall. 

We have to walk up the stairs. He kept pulling my arm and held on really tightly.. I tried pulling my hand away saying "Let go!" He ignored my but tightened his grip.."Umph!" I whimpered. It was getting painful. When we reached the turning corner part of the stairs.. He suddenly turned around and pinned me to the wall. He opened his mouth to say something. He looked angry. I guess he decided not to because he closed it. Then he kissed me forcefully. I tried so hard to push him away but he grabbed my arms and held them down. He then proceeds on kissing me and then he stopped, looked at me and just hurriedly walked on upstairs.  I was breathing so hard.. My face must looked so scared for him to suddenly stop. I quietly walked up the stairs and sat in our seat. He wasn't kidding when he said he wants to get the love seat. I sat on the furthest end of the seat and 5 minutes later.. The usher comes along bringing popcorn and drinks for us.. He must've done this earlier. The usher looked my way and I smiled. "Thanks!" He smiled back and said "No problem miss, enjoy your day!" 

As he left, I swear I could feel HIM staring at me.. I turned around and I saw him just looking at me with a hateful glare.. I don't understand, what is his problem? Is he jealous of my friends? And what he did just now.. It scared me.. 

(I'm not sure why I stayed.. )

He turned his face and just watched the empty screen.. Then, the advertistments and movie trailers started playing.. He then tapped the seat next to him.. I just shook my head.. I was still shocked by the earlier event. Then I felt the coolness of the room.. I reached into my bag to get my cardigan and I realized his jacket is in my bag as well.. The only way for me to pass it to him without disturbing the other couples infront of us is sit next to him and give it to him.. So, I did.. At first he didn't react when I put it on his lap, but when I tried to move away, he grabbed my arms and made sure I stayed in place.. It didn't help when I tried to move either.. So, I give up and decided to just watch the movie.. I was still scared though, everytime he moved his hand, I flinch.. I couldn't put on my cardigan so I was cold.. I must have been shivering because he let go of my arms long enough for him to slip my cardigan on and continue watch the movie.. I still flinched when he let go of my arms.. 

Once the movie ended, I didn't wait for him.. I just walked out of the movie hall, and press on the elevator button.. He caught up with me right when the elevator reached our level.. I got in and he stood next to me.. I flinched and stepped back when I saw him extend his arm.. To press the floor button.. He sighed and proceed to press it.. I was forced-kissed, of course I was scared.. When we reach the car park, it was vacant.. I walked really fast.. I just want to get in the car so that I can get home.. When I reached the concrete pillar near the car, I felt myself being pulled back.. And pushed right on the pillar, my head hit the concrete and this time it really hurts.. I moaned in pain.. His face, this time, seem to be in panic.. "Amy are you okay?" This time since we're alone and I'm just to pissed off.. "What the fuck do you think??? You threw me onto a fucking wall you jerk face!! What is up with you today huh? What are you trying to be?? An abusive husband? Not even 2 days I'm into this marriage and you're about to be female abuser! What the fucks?? I held my head.. It's spinning.. I feel like puking so I grabbed the empty popcorn paper bag I was holding and just barfed.. HE grabbed water in his car and gave it to me.. I threw the bag away and drank the water.. My head is still spinning.. "Get me to the hospital.. I might have a concussion.." I said weakly.. He opened the door for me and we drove off to the nearest hospital. 

A few minutes later I'm in a hospital bed with fluids injected into me.. My head is spinning again so I grabbed the nearest puke bucket and barfed again.. A doctor. Dr Helmi, came in and said that it was a minor concussion and looked at HIM leeringly.. I guessed HE told him the truth.. "You have to stay here overnight for us to monitor your health and you'll be on your way home.. " "Thanks doctor, can you notify my family?" I asked him.. "Sure, write down their numbers right here and I'll contact them shortly.." He said.. I wrote my parents' number and home number on the chart and he left.. HE came up to the bed and looked at me.. " I'm sorry.. I didn't mean it to happen this way.." " You've done enough today.. Look at my arms and my wrists.. They're black! Now a concussion!! What the hell am I going to tell my parents?? Why are you doing this to me??" I interjected.. " I'm sorry.. I saw you with all those guys and it just makes me crazy knowing that you hate me and I have to see you smiling to and hugging all these guys.." " And who's fault was that?! Look, you didn't contact me for over 2 months.. I concluded that I was single! Done! When I came back, my parents told me that I'm married! To you! Without soo much of a how do you do?! And you expect me I be okay with that in a day?!! Think logically! I'm hurt that you did that to me 2 months ago.. And then, you were so smug when you came over yesterday! and this morning! And what you did to me just now! Our first kiss, ever, was forced! It was a break of my trust of you.. Being married means the husband will protect the wife! Not make the wife feel unsafe! With this kind of thing, we might as well get a divorce.."

HIS eyes opened wide when he heard me say the word divorce.. He looked at me sadly "I'm sorry.. If a divorce is what you want, you'll get it.. I'm just glad you're okay.." " I looked up at him.. " That's not what I meant.. Look, let's just do this like we're dating.. Okay? Just give me a week before we start seeing each other again.. Okay? I need time to recover from this.. " HE smiled.. "Okay Hun, I'm just glad you're okay.." HE then bent down and kissed my forehead.. I blushed.. 

"Kakak! What happened?" My parents burst into my room with my baby sister in her pyjamas -teehee! So cute!- and my brother right behind them.. 

"The doctor said she'll be okay.. She just needs to stay here overnight for them to monitor her head and then she can go home.." HE said. My parents nodded.. 

"I'll go out and get teh Tarik for all of you.. Except you Nana, I'll buy you Milo.. " HE said.. 

" I'll help! " my brother said.. 

When they left, my parents asked me to explain what happened.. I lied and said that first, I slipped on ice that fell on the floor and the second time was when I was walking down the stairs.. Both times hitting my head.. The bruises on my arms are marks when HE tried to hold me tightly but I fell anyway.. My parents nodded and told me to be careful next time.. 

HE returned from the cafeteria with my brother.. My mom brought me some clothes to change for the next morning and said that she will stay with me till tomorrow.. " it's okay Mom. You don't have to.. Besides, the praying rooms here are small.." 

"Yes, you don't have to.. I'll stay here  with her tonight.. And I'll send her home tomorrow after she's been checked out.. " HE said.. 

My mom agreed.. 15 minutes later they got up, kissed me good night and left.. I got my phone, took a selfie, posted it on FB and Twitter and checked into the hospital on Foursquare.. HE chuckled in the corner of the room.. "What?" "You still have the need to post that you're in a hospital huh?" HE asked.. "We'll, I want to.. Sue me.." He chuckled.. The nurse came in and injected morphine.. So I was out in minutes.. 

Next day, I woke up to the sound of HIM speaking on the phone.. "Yes mom.. She's alright.. Yea she'll be checking out soon.. Yea, my clothes are still the trunk.. Uh huh.. Yea. Okay will see you soon.. Love you too mom.. Bye." I then opened my eyes and saw HIM staring at me right next to my face.. I flinched in shock "What the fuck! You scared me!" HE chuckled and said "Yea, I know.." HE kissed my forehead "Good Morning by the way.. " I blushed and turned away from HIS face.. " The doctor said he will be coming in to check your vitals and head and then we'll be okay to leave.. 

Then I remember 

The doctor came in,

Checked me

HE Checked out for me

Arrive home

Most friends are there,

They asked what happened, I told them the same lie I told my parents

Except to my best friend/cousin who stayed back to stay over.. 

She said something..

And I can't remember what happened.. 

HE texts me everyday now..  It's been a week, it started to be like we're dating again.. HE started to come over more often.. I met my parents-in-law and brothers-in-law.. 

The parents wants us to have a big wedding.. Apparently, the parents already bought us a house, fully furnished.. We decided to not do the wedding or even living together yet.. 

I remember HIM staying overnight in my home,, HE sleeps on the couch! HE also brings movies for us to watch till late night.. Sometimes we stay up late just talking.. Then, in the morning, or sometimes even at 2-3 am, HE drives home.. Sometimes we cuddle on the couch.. 

(I can't really remember the rest but I do remember the end) 

HE said he loves me infront of my friends and family.. And proposes to me on his knees.. 

And I can't remember the rest... 

The End

This dream makes me confused.. It's feels to real to be a dream but it's too messed up to be real.. 

It's too cruel to make me feel like this in a dream.. Sighs..

Confused..

Amy Ramli