Friday, November 14, 2008

Being Suicidal Yesterday.. Calmed 2day...

I seriously didn't think of what will happen if I killed myself yesterday...
My bf came on9 in time.. He stopped me.. And got me thinking str8...

But I stopped earlier... Thanks to my dearest Furby(BFF since form 1) and Shana(close fren)..

Furby started calling me bitch... Shana was worried to death...
Furby kept saying bout if i died who will talk 2 her on long hours on the phone?
Shana said "STOP.. FARAH... STOP... PLEASE TELL ME WHATS GOING ON.... FARAH.. ANSWER ME.."

The reason for this suicidal feeling yesterday was because of my close fren(akiko) and my bf(xeon) had a fight.. and the reason of the fight is my plan 2 fake a fight with my bf and me.. and 2 tell it 2 her.. u know.. 2 actually pay back 2 her for saying that a bf is better than a close fren.. that made me feel guilty until.. she told me she was joking...
then we made up that stupid plan that we're faking to fight...

To make it worse.. my bf was actually in a bad mood.. and she was asking in a bad time.. sooo it had ended up bad...

My bf said sumthing he should'nt.. and They got in to a fight.. which maked me fell damn guilty...

Then.. we met her the next day which was yesterday.. So my BF can RECONCILE which my bf made me 2 tag along sooo i could tell her the truth...

Which made matter worse.. After my bf and her had reconcile.. my bf said that I should tell her..
When i finished.. she said that I deceived her... which did the PANG OF GUILT .. a lot of stuff.. which led to suicidal feelings till last nite.. Even my Sayang(BFF since start of this year) could sense that sumthing is completely wrong with me... Coz I was kinda happy but a secret face inside me that she could see is visible..... I can't hide anything from u can I?

Which is y she immediately sms'ed my bf saying that there's sumthing wrong with me..
Yes Sayang.. If ur reading this.. I read the sent messages on ur phone.. and I saw it...

Dun worry sayang.. I'm not mad.. I'll kill u later anyway.. LOL.. JK JK...

Back 2 the topic... After she sms'ed my bf.. I was oblivious bout it.. Then at eve... i changed my name.... on msn... from Watashiwa Amy-chan *Still Sick* to.. Amy-chan is going to kill herself with a razor 2nte.. If this fued is not ending.. I'm better off dead... After all its my idea...

I sent suicide notes to my frenz who are on9
Shana and Furby specifically...
They got damn worried... Damn it... Thats when all the stuff in the above started.. shana started 2 say stop.. Coz there is a razor on my table.. and she panicked and kept saying "Farah.. Don't doo it..."
Furby kept saying...
"Mira... U bitch .. U cutting urself bcoz of Akiko saying u deceived her"
"And ur letting r blood drip down 2 the floor bcoz of Xeon who could'nt even remember what he said... "
"U Bitch! U didn't even think about me!!!"
"Didn't u think what will happen 2 me if u'r gone?"
"U Bitch!! Who am I suppose 2 talk 2 on long hours on teh phone if ur gone???!!!!"
"You're a selfish bitch!!!"

That got me thinking...
The razor I was holding a few mins ago.. I put it back into where it belongs..
The scissors and army knives that belongs to me... Was kept back into my KRS/Scouts survival pack...

My bf came on and said.. "U dh lupe agama la 2..."
Akiko said " U'r stupid! X yah la smpi nk bunuh diri bocz of this fued... "

I went off9 for an hour or soo .. then... I sign in back after I have calmed down.. So now...
I thought back... I went offf9 after saying gudnight and srry 2 everyone..

Shana is the one i should thank a lot 2... For calming me down..
Furby for making me realize that life should not end bcoz of some stupid fued...
My bf for saying that I forgot my religion( That cause me to start listening to Ayat2 Suci)
Akiko for forgiving me...
Aderee-kun (onii-chan)... Arigatou.. for helping me.. eventhough I didn't ask u 2..

I feel.. free rite now... Thank You.. to my dearest frenz... and bf.. and onii-chan.. arigatou!

4 comments:

-heart_of_emotions- said...

Well thank God you didn't do it
You seriously had me worried sick!!
*sighs* At least you didn't do it
Lucky on that
Speaking of lucky,you're lucky to have friends like me,Furby & etc. etc. to knock you some sense in that stubborn noggin' of yours T.T

Amy Ramli said...

true... Thx Shana

-=FariZ=- said...

pandai2... suicide la sgt. idea mmg bagus bila tgh tension. mati pun bkn bagus. buat org dkt ko tkut je. nasib x buat. k arh. jg dr btul2

Amy Ramli said...

thx faris.. I will take care of myself... I won't do anything stupid anymore.. I've learnt my lesson!