Should Not Be Allowed To Live

My heart was ripped out before numerous times.. And was shattered countless times.. And this time it's happened again.. All the pieces this time are dust.. I can pile it up and put it into a plastic heart but it doesn't work that way.. 

This time it's over.. I can feel it.. It's not just another of our break ups.. It's a the end kind of feeling.. I pushed him too far I guess.. He doesn't want anything to do with me now.. 

I'm sorry I was in your life.. All I did was mess it up.. You didn't need me.. I made your life a mess.. Before you met me, your life was great.. After you met me, it's like a cloud of bad luck after another.. I guess I was selfish.. You made me so happy, I was reluctant to let you go.. But I need to think of you now.. I don't need to be happy, as long as you're happy, alive and well. That's good enough for me.. 

My friends hate me too.. I mean, who wouldn't? I'm lazy, fat, ugly, stupid and I always, always, always burden other people.. Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to be friends with other people.. It's not right.. I.. I'm meant to live alone.. And die alone.. 

Yeah.. That sounds like me doesn't it? I'm not depressed.. I'm just a sad pathetic girl.. 

My family.. Ahh yes.. The world to me.. Whom I disappointed sooo many times it's like I belong in HELL.. My sister must be ashamed to have someone as fat and ugly as me as a sister.. My brother! He doesn't need a big fat ugly sister to nose around his life.. My parents.. The ones who in let down the most.. I'm the most disappointing daughter they could ask for.. I shouldn't be allowed to live.. 

Clock is ticking..
Time is running..
Knife, rope, building, deep water, car crash.. 
Choice is mine..

Amy Ramli
heartbroken but no worries it'll be over soon right?


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